


Ground Beneath My Feet

by lildemonlili



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Switzerland, ttv5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-28
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-07-18 19:52:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16125542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lildemonlili/pseuds/lildemonlili
Summary: There’s nothing that really falls into place when she’s not there. Noone really works properly.The too late to the party switzerland fic I had to write after binging ttv5 with my focus on Nayeon.





	Ground Beneath My Feet

It was been obvious to all of them.

 

Chaeyoung who noticed it the very first morning at breakfast. Noticed how she ate too fast, and took off. How she chose the company of the camera more than the other members. How the red hair caught in the wind without her even noticing. Attention turned to someone else.

Momo who noticed her distance. Her silence and her focus on the world around them more than the girls. How she focused on puppies and babies and picturesque settings. How she pretended not to be imagining walking down the cobblestone streets with someone else.

Mina who noticed that she didn’t smile to herself. How her face fell when they thought she wasn’t looking, and how her eyes seemed veiled, seeking a face that wasn’t there. How she failed to step into the role none of them meant to give her but gave her anyway. A role meant for someone else.

Dahyun who noticed the way she checked her phone too much. How it made her eyes glint for a second and then avert from the truth. Noticed her muffled voice in the bathroom in their room the first night, words meant for someone else.

Tzuyu who noticed the overcompensation; the little bursts of extreme energy that filled the room and threatened to burst it, and the complete deflation almost immediately after, as if her mind never managed to stay with the group. How it always travelled to someone else.

Sana who noticed that her laughter never lasted for as long as it used to. That she never seemed to fully grasp the mood, always a little late, a little less, a little empty. How she never let any of them know that her laughter was saved for someone else.

Jeongyeon who noticed her solitude and the hole between them that neither dared to fill. How every attempt to include her through their games or their conversations simply turned to quiet hands around arms, providing closeness and security, though she needed it from someone else.

 

“I’m never leaving her again.”

 

Nayeon’s whisper was shivering and defeated as they settled in their seats. But they all heard it. Knew that she had waited until this exact moment; when she could finally allow herself to long for home. Where she didn’t have to be grateful and take in the experience but was allowed to feel all that the others knew already. All that they had noticed.

“We never will.” Jeongyeon promised quietly, tightening the belt around her waist, head turned to her oldest friend.

“Jeong… you don’t understand.” Nayeon whimpered, chips breaking off her mask with every second passing in the cabin of the large aircraft carrying their hearts home where they belonged. “ _I’m_ never leaving her again.”

“Na-dong.” Jeongyeon murmured. “I _do_ understand.”

Nayeon saw the truth in the younger girl’s eyes. Nodded and looked down at her knees and opened her palms in her lap.

They all knew that they weren’t what she sought, yet they were all there in a heartbeat, souls pulled together out of necessity and love. If nothing else then only to be her someone until she found her way back. And Nayeon wasn’t sure whose hands were whose, but found love and acceptance in all seven faces. Found that they all forgave her.

For not paying attention to them.

For not keeping her mind on them.

For hiding her words.

For not accepting their closeness.

For not returning their laughter.  

For wishing for another reality.

For not taking the role they needed her to.

For everything she had been blaming herself the past week, on the trip of a lifetime where the greatest wonder was the smell of the mountains and the song of a blackbird; the sight of a sea of color in the blooming flowers and the sound of children laughing. Yet with a heart that was at home on a pair of crutches and a brave smile through quivering lips.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

Nayeon’s words weren’t for the other seven. Knew already that she was long forgiven. It was for herself. For with their hands in hers and their eyes on hers, she found that it could’ve all been different. That even if their hearts beat in a different rhythm, they all still beat with the same devotion and felt the same hole. That even if they couldn’t provide all the things she sought, there wasn’t a single one of them who would’ve hesitated to let her admit it. To hold her up and help carry her pain. But there was no turning back now. And though the hands disappeared to prepare for liftoff, their hearts stayed with her and made the longing bearable. And Nayeon’s whisper echoed in the seven hearts around her.

 

“We’re never leaving her again.”

 

…

 

It would’ve been too much to hope for, that she’d be waiting for them in the airport. And maybe it was for the better that she wasn’t. But Nayeon still felt how her stomach tugged uncomfortably, and clung harder to Tzuyu’s arm. She barely noticed the flashing lights and loud voices calling for her, as if she looked at the scene through a screen.

 

How they reached the car Nayeon didn’t register. Just felt another uncomfortable tug at finding it empty. What she wouldn’t have given to have opened the white car door and find a seat occupied. To crawl into the warm arms and feel her skin under Nayeon’s fingertips. To hear her voice and let her take over Nayeon’s conscience. But she wasn’t there. So Nayeon settled between Mina and the window. Leaned against the latter but held onto the first if only by the gentlest hold of a hand.

 

She wasn’t in the parking garage either. Didn’t stand on her crutches to meet the entourage returning to pull her into their midst where she belonged. And Nayeon let Momo’s arm guide her to the door, the younger girl pressing the passcode to their dormitory, letting them inside.

 

“Smells like home.” Sana sighed by their side.

“Smells like her.” Nayeon murmured.

They were both right; there was no difference between the two.

 

One by one, they stepped into the living room. Looked around at the couch, the massage chair, the opening to the kitchen. Found everything to be empty and quiet and unfamiliar if not for the scent. And Nayeon realized that the hole they had felt hadn’t just been theirs. It was hers too. And the unwelcome silence was a witness to the truth. That she too had failed to fill the space.

 

“Do you think she’s out?” Dahyun asked carefully.

“No.” Nayeon breathed, shaking her head. “She’s here.”

It wasn’t hope, not even trust, that made her sure. It was the way her entire soul called out for her and felt it answered.

Nayeon walked. Forgot everything but the heartbeat calling out for her. Knew that the others had followed her. Knew instinctively what she would find  behind the closed door to their bedroom. And maybe for that reason, the tug of her stomach was so much stronger when she found her instinct to be right. That the sight found by the eight girls pouring in, wasn’t a welcome committee, but merely a girl who was fast asleep in her bed at three in the afternoon. A girl whose eyes flicked under closed lids and whose hands gripped at the sheets in her sleep.

But it didn’t matter that she was asleep. Didn’t matter that she hadn’t been in the airport or the car or the door. Because Nayeon read the truth in the fact that she lay under a blanket in a manner that wasn’t hers, in a shirt she usually wore for day clothes and not for sleeping in. Knew that all the hours Nayeon had spent on the plane, not sleeping, their leader had spent here, not sleeping. Felt for her with all her heart, unrestricted in her devotion as they all gathered around her bed. Watched as her eyes flickered under closed lids and then heard the sigh. And for a moment she just seem to give herself to an even deeper sleep, but then her shoulders moved and she breathed in fast and deep, a a raspy hum working up through her throat and eyes shut tight for a moment before fluttering open, slightly cross-eyed.

“You-” she started, her voice feeble and confused. She swallowed once and looked around, squinting. Fumbled at the nightstand above the head of her bed for her glasses and propped them on.

It felt like an eternity that they all sat there in front of her bed, quietly letting her take them in. Quietly letting her take her rightful place in their midst.

“You’re back.” She sighed finally, voice shivering with obvious relief. And it was meant for all of them. But as her eyes found another pair, she uttered words meant only for one. “You’re back.”

A small but wet laugh accompanied Nayeon’s nod.

“Yeah.”

Chaeyoung made to leave. Made to give them privacy. But it wasn’t needed, and Nayeon put a hand on her arm. Despite the truth that had somehow settled between Nayeon and their leader, this wasn’t a moment Nayeon wanted for herself. This was still, first and foremost, the love they all felt for her. Felt it as she sat up in her bed and slid unto the floor to sit in their midst. Felt it as arms wrapped around her and lips pressed against her skin. Felt it as she smiled like they were all her entire world. Knew that they were. Yet through the mess of closely huddled bodies, a hand found another, and the oldest member closed the distance between them until their foreheads leaned against each other.

 

A single word fell from Nayeon’s lips like a prayer that had already been heard.

 

“Jihyo…”

 

The lips that pressed against her own felt like coming up for air after a deep dive. Like finally touching firm ground after being in the air too long.

 

And the words that sounded against Nayeon’s lips were meant for all of them and only for her, all at once.

 

“Never leave me again.”


End file.
